Since it been more than a year since I wrote in this thing, Babygirl don't even check it no more, so I feel cool in writing some stuff in here.
Lately we been going through alot but its mostly me. I love her. She's my world and whatnot but I keep feeling like I'm not even here no more. She do everything she can for me and my kids. She don't even call them my kids, she tell people they hers. Im cool with that but its something about me and her that feels off. For as good as she is to me and mines, she's become a bit of a nag. When she get mad, she ain't even her no more, its like she become somebody else, and I don't like that person. I know I don't help it none, cuz I do shit to piss her off. SHe got this thing about little messes and whatnot around the house. She picks with us day and night about it. I mean she be calling home from work irritating the fuck outta me about some damn clothes on the laundry room floor. Its the damn laundry room, where the fuck else the shit supposed to be? Then she be hollering about dishes, and the kids rooms. Its like she got something on her mind, but she take it out on us in different ways, and for real, its pissing me off. I hate coming home now. I walk through the door and she on me. She used to be real calm and shit. Sometimes I look at her and be thinking about how she was all that time while I was locked down. My moms said that maybe she's having a hard time adjusting to everything just like me, but she was handling that for a long time. I know that things jumped off when Nat and Jess was born. Its like that broke her down. I tried to be there for her, but she act like my help ain't needed. What really fucks me up is we had a little fight a couple weeks back. It was over some dumb shit like usual something about an unpaid bill. Actually what happened was the bill was mines to pay. I wrote the check for it and left it on the table to take with me when left to go to work the next morning, but I forgot about it. It was Sanaas turn to clean that day and she moved it someplace else. No body thought about it until a letter came in requesting payment plus late charges which doubled the amount due. Babygirl was off the chain. So we get into it, then she say some shit like "I got to do everything around here because your trifling ass can't remember to do a simple thinkg like mail a bill". I was hot after that.
Then I think she realized she was wrong, but this was like four days after. Sanaa went to stay the weekend with her father, my kids spent the weekend with their mother, and we had the twins. She gonna wait until they go to sleep, then she come feeling all over me like she was looking to go. I wasn't feeling that. So I told her what was up. She act like it ain't nothing. So I dropped it. Couple days later, I was talking to her, trying to feel out how she'd feel about having another baby. I used to always tell her that I wanted a big family, and she was down with that. Well, when I talked with her about it, she said "I'll be damned if I'm having anymore damn kids". That shit hurt. I been fucked up since. I need to figure out what the hell she tripping off. Even right now, she in there arguing with my daughter because she didn't take a glass out of her room last night.